October Digest: unveiled eyes for thanksgiving

It is almost 3 am and yet I am still WIDE AWAKE. Finished some of my PALS modules and my attention was limited.... so it's that time when I try and regurgitate the thoughts that have been occupying my mind! It's good to pause and write out things since it helps me process things & I like reading back on these entries too. I'm working on trying to not be so choppy with my writing but I literally write as I organize in my head, so please forgive me. Let's jump into it.

November is here, and though this post is about October, I would like to focus this post to thanksgiving because giving thanks is never designated to one month, but always. 

1. We fail miserably. God does not.
We are going through the book of 1 Samuel on Sundays, and there God's attributes are on full blast. Faithfulness, grace, steadfastness, sovereignty. Again and again we see the Israelites who were unfaithful and demanding a king, demanding to assimilate to the nations around them, unable to see the blessings of being God's chosen people. The very King himself, Saul, is the epitome of failure. He disobeys God, follows his impulses, and does what he deems as desirable. David, the next king is equally a failure in his own ways. This failure is frustrating to read, yet a pattern common to man, common to me. Yet I look at the perfect, unchanging attributes of God and find rest. His attributes are not contingent on our response. He does as he wills, and no one can stop that. For that I give thanks.

1 Samuel 12:20-22

And Samuel said to the people, “Do not be afraid; you have done all this evil. Yet do not turn aside from following the Lord, but serve the Lord with all your heart. 21 And do not turn aside after empty things that cannot profit or deliver, for they are empty. 22 For the Lord will not forsake his people, for his great name's sake, because it has pleased the Lord to make you a people for himself.

2. Suffering is rampant, but so are blessings.
My perspective is changing as most of my waking hours are spent now in a place that is saturated with hardships. Child abuse, violence, cancer, death, broken families. To sum it up: brokenness. To me, this is now the norm. Many are expected to be desensitized to hardship in the hospital setting. That isn't the case as of now. I have however become desensitized to minor hardships in the lives of those around me. My parents' store was robbed last week, and my response was rather unlike me. As I put together the video recording to send to the police, and I suppose there was a deep seated reality that this is life-much brokenness. My response to my mom was, "This is normal, difficult things happen, and in reality, we should praise God who has protected us for 10+ years of your business. We are safe, and what more is there to expect?". Looking back, I regret my insensitivity. My parents worry, and while I definitely have concerns for their safety, I think back on the even more difficult stories I hear and see at work. So many times I catch myself thinking, "If only you knew, this is NOTHING compared to hardships people go through. Try getting cancer at 3. Try living in a household that abused you till death." It goes on and on. I guess you can say that at one time I was just mad. Frustration that people waste away blessings that they are blind to perceiving. Sometimes looking at all these posts on facebook on mindless empty things made me upset too. I wish people would look around and see how they can actually do something meaningful and productive with their lives. There's so much more to life than you and your needs!

So the question has lately been, am I pessimistic or realistic? I anticipate hardships to come my way because that is all I see. This week I shared with my small group, and verbalizing has given me some clarity. The answer is: it doesn't matter. I can be frustrated all I want at the things that people take for granted. But that won't change a thing. Rather, I need to thank God for enabling me to experience what I do. Thank God for the perspective but change myself first. Stop complaining about minor frivolous things. Serve God with a joyful heart. Humble myself before others-and not dismiss their struggles. Utilize what immeasurable blessings have been entrusted, and steward them well. Count my days and live faithfully and wholeheartedly loving God and his people.