7 But the Lord sits enthroned forever; he has established his throne for justice, 8 and he judges the world with righteousness; he judges the peoples with uprightness.
9 The Lord is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. 10 And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you.
11 Sing praises to the Lord, who sits enthroned in Zion! Tell among the peoples his deeds! 12 For he who avenges blood is mindful of them; he does not forget the cry of the afflicted.
It is almost 3 am and yet I am still WIDE AWAKE. Finished some of my
PALS modules and my attention was limited.... so it's that time when I
try and regurgitate the thoughts that have been occupying my mind! It's
good to pause and write out things since it helps me process things
& I like reading back on these entries too. I'm working on trying to
not be so choppy with my writing but I literally write as I organize in
my head, so please forgive me. Let's jump into it.
November
is here, and though this post is about October, I would like to focus
this post to thanksgiving because giving thanks is never designated to
one month, but always.
1. We fail miserably. God does not.
We
are going through the book of 1 Samuel on Sundays, and there God's
attributes are on full blast. Faithfulness, grace, steadfastness,
sovereignty. Again and again we see the Israelites who were unfaithful
and demanding a king, demanding to assimilate to the nations around
them, unable to see the blessings of being God's chosen people. The very
King himself, Saul, is the epitome of failure. He disobeys God, follows
his impulses, and does what he deems as desirable. David, the next king
is equally a failure in his own ways. This failure is frustrating to
read, yet a pattern common to man, common to me. Yet I look at the
perfect, unchanging attributes of God and find rest. His attributes are
not contingent on our response. He does as he wills, and no one can stop
that. For that I give thanks.
1 Samuel 12:20-22
And Samuel said to the people, “Do not be afraid; you have done all this evil. Yet do not turn aside from following the Lord, but serve the Lord with all your heart. 21 And do not turn aside after empty things that cannot profit or deliver, for they are empty. 22 For the Lord will not forsake his people, for his great name's sake, because it has pleased the Lord to make you a people for himself.
2. Suffering is rampant, but so are blessings.
My
perspective is changing as most of my waking hours are spent now in a
place that is saturated with hardships. Child abuse, violence, cancer,
death, broken families. To sum it up: brokenness. To me, this is now the
norm. Many are expected to be desensitized to hardship in the hospital
setting. That isn't the case as of now. I have however become
desensitized to minor hardships in the lives of those around me. My
parents' store was robbed last week, and my response was rather unlike
me. As I put together the video recording to send to the police, and I
suppose there was a deep seated reality that this is life-much
brokenness. My response to my mom was, "This is normal, difficult things
happen, and in reality, we should praise God who has protected us for
10+ years of your business. We are safe, and what more is there to
expect?". Looking back, I regret my insensitivity. My parents worry, and
while I definitely have concerns for their safety, I think back on the
even more difficult stories I hear and see at work. So many times I
catch myself thinking, "If only you knew, this is NOTHING compared to
hardships people go through. Try getting cancer at 3. Try living in a
household that abused you till death." It goes on and on. I guess you
can say that at one time I was just mad. Frustration that people waste
away blessings that they are blind to perceiving. Sometimes looking at
all these posts on facebook on mindless empty things made me upset too. I
wish people would look around and see how they can actually do
something meaningful and productive with their lives. There's so much
more to life than you and your needs!
So the question
has lately been, am I pessimistic or realistic? I anticipate hardships
to come my way because that is all I see. This week I shared with my
small group, and verbalizing has given me some clarity. The answer is: it doesn't matter. I can be
frustrated all I want at the things that people take for granted. But
that won't change a thing. Rather, I need to thank God for enabling me
to experience what I do. Thank God for the perspective but change myself
first. Stop complaining about minor frivolous things. Serve God with a
joyful heart. Humble myself before others-and not dismiss their
struggles. Utilize what immeasurable blessings have been entrusted, and
steward them well. Count my days and live faithfully and wholeheartedly
loving God and his people.
