24

Kinda feelin too lazy to do a November digest, so perhaps I will clump November and December later some time. As for now I kinda wanted to do a first day of 24 post. I'm not much of a bday person when it comes to me. I had work last night so I started my bday with taking care of cute kiddos, then breakfast, sleep, meet up, prayer mtg, then star gazing in pv and norms. Not your average 24 yr old party haha. I think the older I get, it's more of the small things I appreciate. This year's bday, it wasn't the presents or even the things to look forward to that I appreciated. It was the quickly markered happy birthday sign my coworker placed next to my computer. It was the thoughtfulness of a friend who initiated going to moon-bathe despite being tired. It was the 4 hours of sleep I had without thinking about having to go to work that night. It was the determination of my pastor to encourage me regardless of whether I wanted to meet or not. I don't believe in the whole "love language" thing, because the root of loving is sacrifice and not about having someone love you only in the way you want to be loved. Having said that, when people ask me what mine is, I often say it's acts of service. Words don't mean anything to me if they are not lived out. I see this belief played out when I see these small things often overlooked by the giver, but so precious in my eyes. If I think about it, birthdays are such a strange thing to me. When people say happy birthday, in literal terms its saying congratulations on being born this day x amount of years ago. Perhaps, its less about you being born, but more about all the things and people who've invested in you to make you who you are. Its about giving thanks to God for sustaining you, and realizing there is reason to why He's allowed you to live to this point.

All Glory Be To Christ

                                       
Psalm 9: 7-12

⁷ But the Lord sits enthroned forever;
    he has established his throne for justice,
⁸ and he judges the world with righteousness;
    he judges the peoples with uprightness.

⁹ The Lord is a stronghold for the oppressed,
    a stronghold in times of trouble.
¹⁰ And those who know your name put their trust in you,
    for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you.

¹¹ Sing praises to the Lord, who sits enthroned in Zion!
    Tell among the peoples his deeds!
¹² For he who avenges blood is mindful of them;
    he does not forget the cry of the afflicted.

October Digest: unveiled eyes for thanksgiving

It is almost 3 am and yet I am still WIDE AWAKE. Finished some of my PALS modules and my attention was limited.... so it's that time when I try and regurgitate the thoughts that have been occupying my mind! It's good to pause and write out things since it helps me process things & I like reading back on these entries too. I'm working on trying to not be so choppy with my writing but I literally write as I organize in my head, so please forgive me. Let's jump into it.

November is here, and though this post is about October, I would like to focus this post to thanksgiving because giving thanks is never designated to one month, but always. 

1. We fail miserably. God does not.
We are going through the book of 1 Samuel on Sundays, and there God's attributes are on full blast. Faithfulness, grace, steadfastness, sovereignty. Again and again we see the Israelites who were unfaithful and demanding a king, demanding to assimilate to the nations around them, unable to see the blessings of being God's chosen people. The very King himself, Saul, is the epitome of failure. He disobeys God, follows his impulses, and does what he deems as desirable. David, the next king is equally a failure in his own ways. This failure is frustrating to read, yet a pattern common to man, common to me. Yet I look at the perfect, unchanging attributes of God and find rest. His attributes are not contingent on our response. He does as he wills, and no one can stop that. For that I give thanks.

1 Samuel 12:20-22

And Samuel said to the people, “Do not be afraid; you have done all this evil. Yet do not turn aside from following the Lord, but serve the Lord with all your heart. 21 And do not turn aside after empty things that cannot profit or deliver, for they are empty. 22 For the Lord will not forsake his people, for his great name's sake, because it has pleased the Lord to make you a people for himself.

2. Suffering is rampant, but so are blessings.
My perspective is changing as most of my waking hours are spent now in a place that is saturated with hardships. Child abuse, violence, cancer, death, broken families. To sum it up: brokenness. To me, this is now the norm. Many are expected to be desensitized to hardship in the hospital setting. That isn't the case as of now. I have however become desensitized to minor hardships in the lives of those around me. My parents' store was robbed last week, and my response was rather unlike me. As I put together the video recording to send to the police, and I suppose there was a deep seated reality that this is life-much brokenness. My response to my mom was, "This is normal, difficult things happen, and in reality, we should praise God who has protected us for 10+ years of your business. We are safe, and what more is there to expect?". Looking back, I regret my insensitivity. My parents worry, and while I definitely have concerns for their safety, I think back on the even more difficult stories I hear and see at work. So many times I catch myself thinking, "If only you knew, this is NOTHING compared to hardships people go through. Try getting cancer at 3. Try living in a household that abused you till death." It goes on and on. I guess you can say that at one time I was just mad. Frustration that people waste away blessings that they are blind to perceiving. Sometimes looking at all these posts on facebook on mindless empty things made me upset too. I wish people would look around and see how they can actually do something meaningful and productive with their lives. There's so much more to life than you and your needs!

So the question has lately been, am I pessimistic or realistic? I anticipate hardships to come my way because that is all I see. This week I shared with my small group, and verbalizing has given me some clarity. The answer is: it doesn't matter. I can be frustrated all I want at the things that people take for granted. But that won't change a thing. Rather, I need to thank God for enabling me to experience what I do. Thank God for the perspective but change myself first. Stop complaining about minor frivolous things. Serve God with a joyful heart. Humble myself before others-and not dismiss their struggles. Utilize what immeasurable blessings have been entrusted, and steward them well. Count my days and live faithfully and wholeheartedly loving God and his people.

I walk outside, it's story time

I look up to the air, I see your glory shine.  So when I walk outside,
it's story time. Your telling me about your greatness and power

He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.

                                                                        -Jim Elliot 

September Digest: a time to weep a time to laugh

September has flown by too quickly. It's been a month of joys and grief, a mixture of experiences ranging from weddings to funerals, hellos and goodbyes. Some friends are staying locally, and others are in other countries, other cities, starting new chapters in their careers. It's this experience of the constant running "train" of life. While everything seems the same, reality is that things are always progressing when you look outward.

Chris and Grace's wedding was definitely a memorable moment of this month. It might have actually been one wedding that I was genuinely encouraged. It was such a beautiful time to not only celebrate their covenant together, but also a time to reflect on Christ's covenant with us, the church. Like a bride looking at her groom, must we the church gaze at our savior. It was refreshing, and it was such a great time of worship!

The stark contrast of wedding to funeral has left me thinking about the many situations and the rapid pace of life. Weddings and funerals have the same contents in general, just with different vibes. There's the gathering of loved ones and a formal ceremony/service. It was an interesting thing to see how situations will continue to change. At one point, loved ones will come to witness a covenant, and another for remembrance of a life. What will take place from post-wedding to make the funeral ceremony a time of celebration versus a time of regret? Just some random thoughts that left me to be all the more intentional on how I spend my time each day.

Grief is another topic on my mind this past month from sermons/work/stories/funeral. Grief not only pertains to big things like the death of a loved one, but it may be "little griefs" and "little losses". Maybe it is the grief that things didn't go as planned, grief over wishful hopes that didn't come into fruition. Lately I've felt a greater grief over my patients, much more than I remember having as a student. Perhaps it's a new sensitivity, or maybe from deeper responsibilities over my patients? Initially, I hated the fact that these little losses were burdening me. The sad circumstances often occupied my mind even outside of work. But I'm slowly learning that grief too can be a blessing. It presents the opportunity for one to humbly hope by faith. It seems that in grief comes humility. There's realization of the true dependency of God that has always been present, just never noticed. It's challenging me to trust in God's sovereignty when it is hard to comprehend why things are the way they are. For example, why children suffer ailments, grow up in abusive homes, or have poor prognoses. I'm challenged to believe in His goodness spelled out in his Word, and hope fully for His final restoration.

Anyhow, besides that, super excited about the new album released by Shane & Shane. It's good, like always. Voices and harmonies like butter. Felt that this song is appropriate to this post!

Griffith Observatory

Mega Tantrums and Superhero Parents

                                  
Romans 8:28
One thing I love about going to new places or environments is that it elicits a lot of observation and random thoughts I'd otherwise look past in a familiar setting. Work, a pediatric icu unit, has been this "new" stage for observation lately. I've been repetitively noticing the beauty of parenthood. I think previously I always appreciated it, but lately I see more of the struggles of it in real time. It's fascinating, admirable, and selfless. While by no means do I understand parenthood or am anywhere near being a parent ( I'm still a 5 year old myself), being around parents and their children has given me a smidget of insight to what it's about. I've encountered some of the most patient parents in the world! Children have the ability to throw the biggest, ugliest, mega tantrums known to man when they are not feeling well and are fearful. From a nurse who only cares for patients 12 hours a day, I found my patience being tested through these mega tantrums. They cry at the sight of doctors, yell to refuse medicine, and aren't consolable without their mum and the magic of bubbles/toys. But I look at these sleepless parents who are by their child's side tending to their every need day after day. In the back of my head, I thought, these kids will never know just how much their mom or dad went through even in the future. I've seen how much it hurts parents to see their children hurt. I remember distinctly a time when I was tearful seeing my crying patient as he had chest tubes removed. It was a painful experience! I'm not even his mom! Is this what motherhood is like x 10000?! All this to say, I couldn't help but think, if parents in a tainted world are so great, how much more is the ultimate parent, God the Father, so good to the tantrum child, me? I am that kid that doesn't know what's good for me or not. I refuse to obey even when it is best for me to do so. Instead I am only able to see my immediate feelings. I am the ungrateful child who fails to see the sacrifice made for me. If it pains a parent to lose a child, how excruciating must it have been for God to sacrifice His Son? Praise God who is perfectly patient, loving, sacrificial and trustworthy!

How deep the Father's love for us, how vast beyond all measures, that He should give His only Son, to make a wretch His treasure.
 

My Hope is Built, Norton Hall Band

Romans 8:18-25
One of my favorite hymns! Reminds me that all things are fleeting, but Christ's blood and righteousness are everlasting. Placing my hope in what is worthy, not the empty promises of this world.

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness;
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus’ name.

When darkness seems to veil His face,
I rest on His unchanging grace;
In every high and stormy gale
My anchor holds within the veil.

His oath His covenant and blood
Support me in the ‘whelming flood:
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my hope and stay.

On Christ the solid rock I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand.
On Christ the solid rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand.

When the last trumpet’s voice shall sound,
O may I then in him be found.
Clothed in his righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before his throne.

August Digest

August has been such a full month of learning and change. When I thought about what to write, I couldn't seem to choose one thing. So, I thought that this post would be about various thoughts of last month to help me digest all that has happened. Brace yourself as you enter my chaos :D

Retreat 

Philippians 2:12-13

Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure. 

Reflecting on this past summer retreat theme, alive, I've been thinking about the importance of living out the Christian life actively. Because we are in union with Christ, who in essence is life, our lives as followers of Him should exude life and vibrancy.  A couple questions I took away from Pastor Peter's sermon were...

• Are you actively pursuing Christ in his word? 
• Are you actively pursuing communion with Christ in prayer?
• Are you actively pursuing fellowship?
• Are you actively pursuing the lost?

There is always the danger of passivity in all of these areas. For example, I can easily do my daily devotions without really pursuing Christ. I can pray a prayer without any substance or genuine care. The list goes on. These are things I have been found guilty of. I appreciated this retreat to refocus and assess myself and ways I wasn't pressing on in my relationship with Christ. I was encouraged to take a look at the wonders of my salvation. The more I recognize this, the more I can strive for a life of working out my salvation, as Paul talks of.

Work

It's been a bit over two weeks transitioning from the student life to the work life. Since much of my time is restricted to work, one thing I've wanted to work on is being well balanced. I actually read a good article on balance this morning...found here

Christians are called to a balanced life. That does not mean doing everything in moderation; rather, it means being obedient in every area of life. 

Perfectly stated! I realize the work life doesn't allow as much spontaneity as before. There is less time to do what I used to do, but now with more responsibilities. It's been a good challenge to take care of family, work, spiritual/physical health, church, relationship responsibilities. I am still in the process of working through the kinks, but I realized my outlook should be, as the author states, trying to obey God's word in all areas of life.

This period of entering the work life is also filled with opportunities to expend myself for His kingdom. In my youth (though I have the soul of a granny haha), saying yes is so easy. There aren't constraints of "bigger adult" responsibilities yet. Woo! It's so great to build deeper relationships and serve in unique ways that were difficult as a student (especially nursing student). This is the part I look forward to in this next chapter of my life.

Speaking of work, I also realize the seriousness of my job. I literally gasped when my nurse educator said, "you, critical care nurses". It hit me that no longer will I have someone watching my every move for mistakes. DUNDUNDUN! I'm really grateful for all that has been entrusted to me, while also being nervous for the mistakes I will make as I learn.

Thanksgiving

Since this is my last month of being on the day shift, I've also been tirelessly meeting up with people. Afterall, I will become nocturnal soon, awake at hours that people are all asleep. Anyway, I've been so thankful to God for these awesome people who have challenged me intentionally and unintentionally this past month. Who am I that God would care for me through these individuals? Though I cannot see God, when I look at some of the people in my life, I see a glimpse of God's characteristics in these individuals. Sincerity, compassion, wisdom are a few that I have been challenged with this month.


Overall, August was a beautiful month. Hello September :D

Catalina Coffee Company, Redondo Beach

This morning I woke up at 5:30 am due to jet lag feeling wide awake and very bored. What does one do that early in the morning? I decided to take a walk by the strand at Torrance Beach then head over to one of my favorite local coffee spots. I hadn't been there in ages and it was quite the treat.

Lately everyone goes to coffee shops to take instagram worthy photos of latte art and experience the hipster ambience. (I am guilty of that too). While Catalina by no means has the hipster environment, there's something that I enjoyed about an antiquated yet cozy coffee shop. Filled with couches upon couches, bookshelves of books, and lamps you'd imagine to be at granny's house, Catalina's environment is somewhere I feel at home. I snuggled up on a couch and read my current read, R.C. Sproul's, Who is Jesus (which btw I am thoroughly enjoying. It's part of the 12 crucial question series).

I can care less about fancy shmancy hearts or dragons on my coffee. I'm happy with a simple yet wonderful medium roast drip. This place roasts their own beans! super plus! They have pastries and food for the hangry customers. Going in on a Tuesday morning, there were a lot of cute grannys and grandpas, people working on what looks like important things. Then people like me who were reading casually. I'd like to have days like these in the future to go to the beach then grab coffee and read.

too impatient to wait before taking a pic...poppyseed muffin! YAS

bean roaster! (is there a name for that?)

scrabble & chess

Easy framed photo gift

One of my mom's close friends had given me a graduation gift and so I wanted to make something for her as a thank you. It's so late (I graduated in May...yikes!). Anyhow, found a pretty neat frame at target and had some dried baby's breath flowers and put this together.

Materials:

• frame
• dried babys breath
• paper 
• white pen (mine is the uni-ball signo 0.7)
• photo
• double sided tape

 Flatten the flowers in a book, mount it on the piece of paper, and write a note/verse/whatever! Tape the paper and photo, and el fin! Self explanatory. Should take no more than 10 minutes!

Oh Love That Will Not Let Me Go

Romans 8:38-39 



O Love that wilt not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in thee;
I give thee back the life I owe,
That in thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be.

O light that foll’west all my way,
I yield my flick’ring torch to thee;
My heart restores its borrowed ray,
That in thy sunshine’s blaze its day
May brighter, fairer be.

O Joy that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain,
That morn shall tearless be.

O Cross that liftest up my head,
I dare not ask to fly from thee;
I lay in dust life’s glory dead,
And from the ground there blossoms red
Life that shall endless be.

-George Matheson

Providence of suffering

1 Peter 5:10

Our vision is so limited we can hardly imagine a love that does not show itself in protection from suffering. The love of God is of a different nature altogether. It does not hate tragedy. It never denies reality. It stands in the very teeth of suffering. The love of God did not protect His own Son. That was the proof of His love-that He gave that Son, that He let Him go to Calvary's cross, though "legions of angels" might have rescued Him. He will not necessarily protect us-not from anything it takes to makes us like His Son. A lot of hammering and chiseling and purifying by fire will have to go into the process.

                                              - Elisabeth Elliot, from Passion & Purity

Bigeumdo, South Korea

The locals' puppies

비금도 (Bigeumdo) is a quaint island about a 2-hour boat ride away from 목포(Mokpo). I appreciated this vacation spot not only for the amazing views and scenery, but because it is the place my own mother grew up in. There was some deeper interest in the narrow dirt paths and run-down traditional Korean homes. Seeing the house that my family lived in and listening to stories from aunts of their past experiences made this place all the more special. On another note, I'll never forget waking up in the morning to the view of endless rice fields (2nd picture)! Pictures simply do not do justice! Who knew rice fields could be so stunning. I actually think that they were more memorable than the ocean view, which was also beautiful. Overall, this is a great place to relax and experience the simplistic lifestyle.